July 27, 2007 by Marj Hatzell
I just know y’all are on the edge of yer seat, waiting to view DG’s most private and personal
obsession collection. Something DG rarely reveals to anyone, except her husband. Something she is embarassed about and does not even talk about with her sisters.
DG’s Flip Flops.
(You thought I was gonna say lingerie, didn’t you? Dirty mind!) Yes, that’s right. My name is DG and I have a flip-flop obsession. It started when I was young and Doctor Sholl’s were all the rage. I hate to wear shoes and prefer to be barefoot. If I cannot be barefoot then I will take the next best thing: flip-flops.
I love wearing flip-flops because I have big, sweaty feet that get stinky in leather shoes (I know y’all were just dying to hear that.). My feet can air out all day long and feel free. FREEDOM FOR FEET! Of course, this also means I have to have a stash of suitable toe-nail polish so that my size 9 E-width man feet don’t look like Barney Rubble. Great colors like DENIM BLUE and WINE CORDIAL and PURPLE PLEATHER grace my piggy toes. It also means I have to shave my feet. Yes, you heard me right. I SHAVE MY FEET, MMKAY? My soul has been bared for all the world to see. I SHAVE MY FEET, Y’ALL! EVERYONE LOOK! Those of you that see me IRL will now be checking my feet out the next time you see me. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Being the kind and benevolent person I am, I decided I could not keep this bounty to myself. No sir, I have taken pictures and will enlighten you with
some most a few of the contents of my flip-flop booty:
I call these little beauties Rainbow Brites. They were just $7 at my favorite discount department store (that starts with T- and ends with -arzhay). I am especially fond of these because J Crew made a version of these last summer that look IDENTICAL to the ones that Tarzhay carried, down to the similar color choices. They were originally $25 at J Crew, eventually sold for $10. They are exactly the same. And by exactly, I mean, one of Bugaboo’s therapists has the J Crew version and I was wearing the Tarzhay version and they are EXACTLY the same.
Also from Tarzhay: These cute Hawaiian print $2 flip flops. They are great for wearing at the beach or pool and rinse off easily. They never really get dirty. Not the most comfy, but cute! I just don’t understand why they put the print UNDER the foot. You Canna See It, KEPTIN!
This pair was a spur-of-the-moment frivolous purchase. I bought them because I thought the print would go with several shirts I own, not realizing that you can barely see the print once your foot is in the flip flop. Sigh. I don’t know why they do this, but they are still super-cute. $9 at Payless. They still have them, I was there a few days ago. Gotta love Airwalks! Yes, I love them. That is why I also own…
Yup. Can’t stay away from that store. The brown pair was a purchase from last year at the end of the season. I have this thing about brown and they go well with my linen obsession collection. Unfortunately, I wore them to the farm (our friends’ farm near the cabin) and they now smell like a cow. No, just kidding. They smell like cow poo. I love the black pair because they have Jolly Rogers on them and Bug Boy thinks I am the coolest mommy in the world because I have pirate shoes.
Tevas. There isn’t much you need to say about Tevas. They say it themselves. They are comfortable, durable and
outrageously expensive a good buy. I’ve been wearing this particular pair for about five years. They look like some kind of Chinese foot binding (which I need with 9Es) but really, they make my feet say, “Ahhhhh!” Or maybe it’s, “Jebus! Clip your toenails! File those callouses!” Either one.
Oh, Sketchers, Sketchers, Sketchers. Why is it possible that every pair of your shoes I’ve tried on either adds ten pounds to my wait or feels like I’m Cinderella’s ugly stepsisters trying to get the glass slipper on and it doesn’t fit, so the prince won’t marry me and I play second fiddle once again to some airhead tart? These are cute shoes, I get tons of compliments on them, but I am pretty sure they are making me taller, because when I walk in them my legs get pulled down by all the weight. Who needs ankle weights? Not me. I only wear these to parent meeting and stuff where I want to look like a grown up.They were $30 three years ago, the most I think I’ve ever, ever, ever spent on shoes. Even my wedding shoes, which were knock-offs of $200 Kenneth Cole shoes that I found at a discount shoe place and glued little flowers on them to look just like the ones in the Kenneth Cole Store, except mine weren’t made by Chinese Factory workers making $2 a day.
I saved the best for last. LL Bean, how I love thee! My SIL Lara’s SIL Dara (got that? Good, there is a quiz later. Oh, and if Bugaboo was a girl, he would have been Sara. That would have made it funny, huh?) had these on last summer and I fell in LERVE with them. To the untrained eye they may just look like ugly shearling flip flops. These babies were worth every penny of $30. I have worn them daily for nearly a year and have beat the holy heck out of them. Yes, they are real Shearling. They are real leather, too. I know, I know, a former Vegan wearing THESE? Preposterous! But true! I’ve never worn anything this cozy and comfy. I can wear them in the winter and my feet stay warm. I can wear them in the summer and my feet don’t sweat. They don’t smell. They are slimy. They are like UGGS only YUMMY! The only draw back is that I have to hide them from the Shad Roe, since she once chewed up the lambskin crib blanket we had for the boys. I am pretty sure these shoes came from sheep that elected to donate they skin. In fact, these sheep were already dead and just sitting around, so LL Bean had permission to use them, so it’s not like it was killing animals or anything. And I’ve ordered another pair (guess which ones! No, not the animal print! The khaki!) for when these fall apart (which are hidden in my closet so I am not tempted to wear them yet) because they tend to go out of stock, they are that popular. I’d like to kiss the person who made these. Even if it was a girl.
There you have it. My Flip flops. I hope you’ve enjoyed them as much as I do. In the fall I will share my mule/clog collection with you. I own eight pairs, two of which are ACTUALLY FROM THE NETHERLANDS!!! They are even wooden and very comfy, although not such a good pair of shoes for a clutz who kicks her own ankles when she walks, if you catch my drift …