July 17, 2007 by Marj Hatzell
Darling abso-smurfly insisted on going to work yesterday morning, despite the fact that he was tired, nauseated and miserable. He claimed he had tons of stuff to do at work and that he couldn’t possibly stay home in his jammies, phone in for a meeting and check his e-mail from here. “Too many loose ends,” he said. Yeah, riiiiight.
Let’s suppose for a moment that it was a reasonably nice day yesterday. Partly cloudy but not too hot, not really humid either. The perfect day to get sick right at lunch time and have to leave to come home, right? And let’s also suppose that I received a phone call at about noon that the husband was on his way home. He even offered to stop at the Home Improvement store near his work, since the Home Improvement stores around here don’t hire people to cut blinds. Even though I stopped in four days in a row before they finally came clean with me and claimed that the machine was broken. Not that I am bitter or anything, because I have tons of time on my hands and am never in a hurry and don’t mind being inconvenienced when I have two whopping hours to get ALL of my errands done, go to the gym, get the food put away, return appointment phone calls and fill out paperwork before children grace my presence again. Nope. I’m not bitter…
Where was I?
Oh, right. Husband. So, suppose he stops at the Home Improvement place near his work but then I didn’t see or hear from him for over two hours. Just when I was about to call his cell phone (which he does not EVER turn on, so I do not see the point of that) he saunters in the door. Apparently he was too sick to stay at work but he was feeling just well enough that he could go to CarSense and test drive a few cars. Now, those of you that know us personally or have heard this before (stop me if you’ve heard this before) know that my husband literally buys or sells a car each and every calendar year. We just sold the
Holy Grail jeep and this past March was actually TWO WHOLE YEARS since we purchased a car. The poor man is going through withdraw, after all! I mean, TWO WHOLE YEARS? The very thought!
Anyways, he test drove everything in his car class (Accord, Camry, Saab, Passat, yadda, yadda, yadda) because he is jonesing to purchase a new vehicle. But not just any vehicle. A V-6, 260 hp, 2.4 liter engine. Minimum. Which translates to a Mazda Speed-6. And translates to a price tag of $30,000. I mean, we could do it. It would be ridiculously frivolous. I am guessing this is his mid-life crisis. Let’s face facts: my husband is a total tightwad (that’s fancy-speak for frugal) and would never plunk down that kind of money unless it was practical and saved us tons of money in the long run, which is why we almost never buy a brand-new vehicle. The only new car we’ve bought in recent years has been our minivan and the only reason we bought it new was because it was new version and we had decided that buying a used, abused minivan was not in our best interest, especially with the road trips we take.
When Darling finally did return home, he showed me some auto spec sheets and then turned around and went right to the Saturn dealership. Now, we don’t do Saturns anymore ever since we got burned a few years back. We tried to trade our old Saturn in for a new one and had it for a month and it was making weird noises and literally falling apart and it turns out it was in an accident on the lot (brand new car, 22 miles) and was refinished and it was never disclosed. Let’s just say Darling was put off by that. It ended ok, we took it back and they still had our old car so we got the old one back (for one month, then I was hit by the Drunk Driver and it was totaled when pregnant with Bugaboo). For him to go to Saturn he had to be desperate. He headed over and it turns out they have their Ion with the Accord and Camry so you can test drive all three and comparison shop. Good marketing tool, except he is kinda biased when it comes to Toyota, so their sales pitches were wasted on him. He doesn’t listen anyways. (UPDATE: I was informed it is to compare with the Aura. But it really doesn’ t matter because when we saw this car at the car show in February neither of them appealed to us. At one point we were committed Saturn people. We don’t hate them, I just think there are better cars on the market…)
Here we are, a day later. We still own his car but something tells me that this weekend we might be stopping by some car lost. I mean, it has been TWO YEARS. This is the man who bough a car two hours before we left on a plane for vacation, so anything is possible. I am thinking of bribing him with window treatments, paint and a deck. Think it will work?