Things I’ve Learned the Past Few Days


June 12, 2007 by Marj Hatzell

The past few days have been the ultimate learning experience in Casa Del Domestic Goddess :

  • The dollar store is not the best place to purchase water balloons. If you decided to buy them there, fill them at your own risk.
  • Filling said water balloons will leave you wet and tired.
  • You and your husband (or wife) can spend an hour and a half filling water balloons and make about thirty sexual references during that time, cracking yourselves up like a bunch of teenagers.
  • The sex after you fill one hundred water balloons is pretty darn good.
  • Not having sex for a while is bad.
  • A sure-fire way to lose weight quickly is to spend time outdoors when there is 80-100% humidity. Most of the weight you lose will be water weight and you will become dehydrated but the Emergency Room is close by and once they plug the IV in you will be right as rain in the morning.
  • Kindergarten class picnics are chaotic and crazy. Some of the parents pitch in and help no matter what. Some have never shown up for ANYTHING. The ones that do show up and help are the ones that I like. The ones who cannot miss tennis to be there to have fun with their cutie are idiots.
  • Getting twenty kids to sit still for 1.9876 seconds for a photo is difficult.
  • It will take three trips from the car in front of the school to the field behind the school but only one trip back to the car. Amazing.
  • Pretzels and watermelon and strawberries are very popular at school picnics. Thank goodness. Because if no one eats the watermelon and pretzels you will be left with two watermelons and 144 pretzel nuggets. They will take a long time to eat. Of course, you will become more regular than you ever have in your whole life.
  • Planning parties for children and attempting to run your life as usual is not possible.
  • Do not plant cilantro/coriander in the ground. It dies in about twelve hours. Keep it in the pretty pot they gave you at TJ’s because at $5.99 it is a waste of money when it turns brown and shrivels up.

3 thoughts on “Things I’ve Learned the Past Few Days

  1. Cryssyer says:

    Not sure I understand the reference to the trips to the car, but I laughed really hard at the rest. I agree that parents who don’t spend any time with their kids are world class butt-heads. My greatest joy in life comes from my kid. And, what else can you say about water balloons? LOL

  2. MommyBrain says:

    Did you really end up in the ER? LOL on the water balloons.

  3. Rachel says:

    “Planning parties for children and attempting to run your life as usual is not possible. ”

    I agree. If only you knew of a kids’ party planner. Hmmm…. 🙂

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