May 11, 2007 by Marj Hatzell
My husband has a very dry sense of humor. He is not a jokester and you can pretty much never tell if he is kidding or not. His voice is very monotonous and his facial expression is pretty much the same ALL THE TIME. I kid you not, ask my sister. She’ll tell you. He just ain’t the jocular type. In fact, when reading a list of supposed criteria for Asperger’s and PDD (when we were talking about Bug Boy’s diagnosis) he laughed (he does that once in a while) and said, “This sounds like me!” Uh huh, that’s my whole point…
So last night Bug Boy runs to me from the bus, throws open the door and screams, “MOM! I’VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU FOR MOTHER’S DAY!!!!” You know, because three days before
The Hallmark-invented-waste-of-money-day Mother’s Day is as good a day as any to give a handmade gift that Bug Boy made in school. He drops his bag, digs through, asks me to close my eyes (which I am always afraid to do, my children have handed me DOG POOP) and proudly exclaimed, “TADA!!!” In my hands was the cutest little hand-made box and card with ladybugs (and imagine that, Darling calls me Lady Bug sometimes) and a blueberry muffin inside. The card was adorable. The teacher had a pre-written paragraph that the kids filled in with their own thoughts. This is what it said (his answers in bold):
My Mother’s Name is _______ (not telling, you should know by now) but I call her Mom. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. She is 8 feet tall and weighs 100 pounds. (I love this child).
Her favorite color is green. She wears a lot of cool clothes and church clothes (linen from Tarzhay makes a Mommy cool, y’all!) . Some of my Mother’s favorite things are gardening and taking care of my brother and me.
She spends a lot of time taking care of my brother and me (I am just glad he didn’t put “talking on the phone”). The one thing she always says is, “I love you.”
The best thing she cooks that I really love to eat is pizza and she cooks it 100 times a week (I really only make it three or four times, honest). My mom is really great because she loves me and takes good care of me.
Isn’t that just THE CUTEST???? That’s my boy! Anywho, I open the box and inside is this blueberry muffin that they made in school. It smelled good and of course Bug Boy took the first bite. I told him we’d save the rest for after dinner so Daddy could have some, too. What was I thinking?
Fast forward to Darling’s arrival home. We sat down to dinner and the first words out of Bug Boy’s mouth are, “Daddy! You HAVE to take a bite of Mommy’s muffin! Do you want to eat MOMMY’S MUFFIN?” Now, we aren’t perverts, trust me, but our eyes met and we both started laughing hysterically, tears streaming down our faces. If you don’t know why I am laughing at this, perhaps you need to go back to junior high and talk to the 13 year old boys and ask them what muffin means. I’ll give you a hint: Food terms are often used to describe female body parts…
So, the rest of the night my witty husband asked just about every five minutes when he was going to eat Mommy’s muffin. Niiiiiice.
I will never be able to mention that word again.