O HAI!
Another treat and a glimpse into my extremely distracted and disorganized brain. Also, my dogs were being jerks. You’ll see.
You can thank me later.
ALSO ALSO I just watched this and BOY OH BOY I’m all over the place. Hoooooleeee cow.
Category Archives: Home Improvement Stuff
My Happiness is All About Floors
I don’t know if you’ve noticed.
If you follow me on facebook or G+ or Teh Twitters you might (if you don’t FOR PITY’S SAKE, CLICK OVER THERE _____>). (And while you’re at it, please go read Aiming Low because it’s the best writing on the Internets. Just sayin’. Oh, did I mention? I write there once a week. Kinda like here!)
I haven’t complained about steam cleaning carpets. Not in weeks. Months even.
Wanna know why? We don’t have carpets. I mean, we have the one in the basement because the floor is pretty flipping cold otherwise. We pulled up the living room and dining room carpets and Bugaboo’s carpet. Bug Boy’s room is soon to follow. That will leave our bedroom and the hallway.
Why?
Well, for starters they were nasty. As in, stained, old, threadbare and gross and smelly and…you get the picture. Remember the little dog that caused the trouble?
Yep.
And Bugaboo went on that MUST PEE IN MY BEDROOM MANY TIMES A DAY kick and we ripped his up, too. Then we hemmed and hawed for weeks about what type of floor we’d put down. We figured we’d leave subfloor for a few years or so. KIDDING! But we didn’t want more carpet and wood floors would just get totally EFFED UP. So we thought about laminate and I was all “It’s expensive” and “It looks fake” and then two weeks ago we were at the Orange Home Improvement Store and found a special buy that was super reasonable, made by a reputable company and we bought it.Laminate. And put it in Bugaboo’s room. But before we did that, I thought, “Hmm, we should prolly paint the walls while we’re at it. And we should prolly do trim and stuff and paint the ceiling and..”
Basically, it turned into a major project.
But a good project, because it looks flipping awesome. And a few months ago we bought him a new bed, too, since he SHREDDED his stupid expensive nice mattress. We got him a bed from the Big Swedish Store and it cost barely anything and the mattress cover is water proof and removable and we could buy a new one for under a hundred bucks. Bugaboo picked out the bed and loves it. And goes to bed. Without incident. HE GOES TO BED, PEOPLE. And if he shreds it or pees on it? Easily cleanable AND replaceable. DUH! WINNING!
Now when he spills sticky juice or gets into soap or pees on his floor? I mop or wipe it up. And it looks nice again. It also takes minutes to clean and dry. TADA! Awesomesauce!
And it didn’t cost much.
So the wood floors we were going to put down stairs in the Living and Dining Room? Well, we like the laminate wood floor so much we’re putting it downstairs. For the time being. Eventually we still want the nice, real, pretty oak floors. Just not yet. Because this floor? If we do the WHOLE HOUSE with the laminate it’s still less than one room with the wood floor. And it looks nice, is durable and will withstand some abuse until certain little boys improve their hygeine and neatness.
I hope.
Because I Have Absosmurfly Nothing Going on in my Life…
I don’t have enough going on in my life.
I mean, there’s the special kids, one of whom is severely disabled. And then there’s my three-legged dog. And my parents, who both have end-stage, life-threatening diseases. And then there’s my son’s school, where I feel the need to volunteer. And then there’s the babysitting. And the dogsitting. And blogging (hey, I actually get paid for some of it, yo). And the regular “mommy” stuff. And the special “mommy” stuff.
Yep, nothing going on.
So what does one do when there’s nothing going on in one’s life? Why, HOME IMPROVEMENT, of course!
So. Carpets. Steaming. Know how I do lots of that? And know how I had my parent’s evil attack dog for like, weeks at a time this year? Well, evil little dog has an evil little secret. He pees. Everywhere. On everything. Like, constantly marks. Honestly, he behaves fine and is quite snuggly and cute and stuff. But he pees everywhere. Including on carpet.
And I have enough carpet cleaning to do with Bugaboo, no?
My sister was kind enough to give me a reprieve from the dog a few weeks ago because it was getting BAD with me dog sitting and him being all passive-aggressive/passive-dominant and peeing and marking and stuff. He wasn’t getting along with the dogs. And I know he peed and I’d clean it up. Except I didn’t realize how much he was peeing everywhere. And a few weeks later we were noticing an odor. There’s no mistaking his pee, see. We know the smell. And the odor got worse and worse. I would shampoo the carpet and a few days later the smell would be back. So I’d shampoo it more. And use different stuff. And try hotter water. And it would be great for a few days and then the smell would be back.
And all this time I was begging for new floors. Like, anything but carpeting because HELLO! BUGABOO!
And the Guy I Live With said I was out of my mind. New floors cost tons o’dough. And we didn’t have tons o’dough. And besides, the new floors would just get ruined by our resident dogs, Daisy and Bristol. And Bugaboo. Mostly Bugaboo.
A few weeks went by. The smell got worse and worse. I’d shampoo. It came back.
That’s when I realized he had been peeing on furniture. ON LOTS OF FURNITURE. Now, we knew he did this at my parents’ house and we ended up pulling up the floors, putting down new carpeting, redrywalling and replacing their recliners. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me he’d do it at my house. And he didn’t just pick one spot. He peed on the shoe cabinet, where the boys sit and put their shoes on in the morning. He peed on wall corners. On the piano bench and piano. On the dry sink and table and and chairs and wine rack in the dining room. On the leather couch. Everywhere.
And some of it? Completely ruined. Like, had to throw-out ruined. Like, it’s-breaking-my-heart-and-I-want-to-cry ruined. Including the piano.
So last night, we started ripping up the carpets down to the subfloor. And we’re going to replace them with something room by room as the paychecks allow. We also have to replace trim (he peed on that) and had to get rid of half the furniture in the Living and Dining Rooms (he peed on that, too).
It’s killing me.
At least we’re getting new floors. But I seriously want to strangle that dog and I AM THE CRAZY DOG LADY. In the meantime, we’re pulling up carpet staples. THOUSANDS OF THEM. And removing trim. And finding evidence of even more hideousness. More than I thought was possible in my built-in-the-eighties-and-it-shows house. Just feast your eyes on this:
And underneath what I thought was the original cornflower blue carpet was another eighties atrocity: DUSTY ROSE!
But wait! There’s more! The wall paper I so dilligently peeled off last year (cornflower blue and dusty rose flowers, ducks, heart, BLARGH!)? When we pulled off the trim we found, you guessed it, Cornflower blue wallpaper with dusty rose stripes! But hey, at least it wasn’t seafoam green and peach like the rest of the eighties, right? I just got eighties-country. Great.
What a surprise! Cornflower blue and dusty rose! Again! And again!
I love finding shiz like this when we do home improvement. It was almost as much fun as the mold and leaking we found when we did our bathroom! Almost.
Anyways, dearest readers, what atrocities have you come across whilst attempting weekend warrior status? Do tell…
Collateral Damage
Collateral Damage:unintentional damage to civil property and civilian casualties, caused by military operations
I like our house. We have a nice yard and garden. Our neighborhood is awesome. Our school district is fabulous. It’s truly like Mayberry here and we’re very, very happy.
See? Mayberry!
The inside of our house? Well, different story. I mean, the space is great. We have all the rooms we need. I love how open our kitchen and family room are. We have a fireplace! A finished basement! A garage! A porch! A PATIO! It’s a nice house.
Cozy
What isn’t so nice? It needs help. Like, cosmetic work. And although we are currently near the end of a bathroom re-do (like, can put the toilet and sink in tomorrow! Should be using it by this weekend! WOO!) I am now itching to do more work to the house.
Why? Because the carpets are completely shot and stained (and original to the house, at 25 years old). The vinyl kitchen tile is warping and gouged. The walls have dents, holes and marks all over them. The original doors are cheesy, hollow and made of cardboard (partially).
Bugaboo's art work. Note: Dry erase and crayola "washable" markers do NOT come off of walls. Even with magic erasers.
Basically, our house is destroyed. When we moved in here? It needed cosmetic work. Five years later? It still needs cosmetic work. And how.
Someday we'll paint. At this point I'd take smooth and sanded walls.
The reason? Well, let’s just say that my kids mean well. They do what typical kids do to a house. Doors sometimes get slammed. They bumpy into things and make marks. Bugaboo draws on walls. Chairs scratch floors. But autism kinda made the normal, every day wear-and-tear amplify. And then some. As in, they use stuff kinda like normal kids but the results, well, they just can’t control what their bodies do to things. Jumping on beds and furniture doesn’t help but the dents in our appliances when they were hours old? Our one-year-old leather couch with a rip in it? every corner missing drywall? Tile rotting and falling off of our bathroom wall and leaking through the kitchen ceiling? SIGH. I’m not complaining, I’m just telling it like it is.
We should probably fix this. Eventually. Maybe.
Wanna see?
Rotting tile from Bug Boy's Titanic Expeditions
Kitchen ceiling where the Titanic leaks
Art work on the carpet
Marks in vinyl from chairs WITH floor protectors on them. Would be much worse. MUCH WORSE.
And that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. HA! Get it? Scratch the surface? HAHAHAHA! I SLAY ME!
Ahem. Anyways. Damage. Heavy damage. You get the pic. Again, not complaining, just telling it like it is. Now excuse me while I go cry over the “smelly water” (bleach) Bugaboo poured all over our basement carpet last night. Loooooovely yellow bleach marks all over. *sob*
Where Appliances Go to Die
Blane? That's a major appliance, not a name! (Name that movie)
Yesterday I lamented that we go through tons of vacuums. That’s only partially accurate. See, that barely scratches the surface in explaining just how much we go through around here. There’s a reason we prefer used cars and used stuff, y’all. It’s because my family beats the ever-living frak out of everything.
Vacuums? Been through many. But other appliances? Just wait until you read.
When we bought our first house twelve years ago we bought a new washer and dryer pair. We moved to this house five years ago (that a difference of seven years, for those of you not good at math) and a year later had to buy a new washer and dryer. The large-capacity washer/dryer that we bought conked out within weeks of one another. And were unfixable. We’ve had this set for four years. I’m praying it holds out for a while.
A few months after that happened, we had to replace our dishwasher AND stove (and decided to add a built-in microwave, too, since we were already shopping for appliances). Now, to be fair, the dishwasher and stove came with the house and were about fifteen years old each. The dishwasher had already been repaired several times. And then we discovered that it was leaking like crazy when we pulled it out to fix again. And the stove’s heating element went and we couldn’t bake or roast anything. So. New ones.
A few months later our television died. You might not think a tv is really that important. But autistic kids? Tv? IMPORTANT. Bought a new one. Then the little vcr/tv combo we had for the kids video tapes? ATE TAPES. And wouldn’t turn on anymore. Then the DVD player went. Again, IMPORTANT.
Not a month after that? Our third refrigerator. Now, to be fair, the previous two refrigerators were used so we didn’t expect them to last forever. So we weren’t surprised when it died on us and froze all of the food in the fridge solid and defrosted all of the freezer contents and then the motor burned up. The end. So we bought a new one. And ten minutes after we installed it, Bugaboo rammed the front of it with a metal Tonka truck and it has a huge freaking dent. Oh yes, he did.
Last year(well, now that it’s 2011 it’s TWO YEARS AGO) we were on our seventh vacuum. And then we had to get a new one. When you vacuum as much as I do, vacuums are important, mmkay? And, the one we got? BETTER LAST LONGER HAN SIX YEARS. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.
We also had to buy a new toaster oven shortly after that. It lasted three years. This weekend, The Guy I Live With was messing around with circuits and stuff and suddenly the toaster oven didn’t work anymore. Again. Third toaster oven in twelve years. To be fair, it had a tendency to not want to turn on (or off, which is a little dangerous, it turns out). And it never turned on again. So we got a new one last night. Let’s hope it lasts four years!
So basically, if you’re an appliance? BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID. The Hatzell family will destroy it faster than you can say, “Tom’s your uncle.” And I’m not sure why you’d want to say that anyway. The point? There really is none. Only that we should think about buying stock in GE, Kitchen Aid or Maytag.
When You Gotta Go
Three weeks now my soon-to-be-neighbor’s workmen have left a toilet on the front lawn.
THREE WEEKS.
It’s getting a little old. What is this, the Beverly Hillbillies? Folks, we’re in Suburban Philly.
I’m thinking of putting a snarky sign on it to give them the hint to toss it. Or perhaps plant flowers in it. Or, do what my sister says and make a scarecrow and sit him on the toilet reading a newspaper.
What to do, what to do…
PS – just so y’all know, the regular trash pick up takes toilets and they’ve put TONS of stuff out, since they are totally renovating the house. I’m dying to find out if they move it before they move in…
Before and After? Stay Tuned!
Nearly five years ago we moved into our humble abode. This is what we had outside of our family room door:
The deck that the Beverly Hillbillies built. Complete with no footers and a 30 degree slant.
Still leaning.
When we ripped it down because it was leaning to one side, had a sink hole under four feet deep and was literally falling apart, it looked like this:
BIG dirt pit! WOO!
Mud! WOOO!
Two years later there was still a dirt pit. DG got a TEENSY BIT tired of the mud being tracked through her house. So her Darling husband, in an effort to make her feel less stressed about the dirt, did this:
Beverly Hillbillies Deck
View from my sliding door. Isn't it PURTY? The rug was my husband's attempt at limiting the dirt tracked indoors.
But today? Today digging on the new patio started. It will be done (FINISHED! FINITO! ) in four days. And it will look like…
We’ll, you’ll just have to come back and see, won’t you! HA! So there!
Stay tuned…
