Category Archives: Fun with the Internets

So You Think You Can Blog?

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At Bug Boy’s school they have this nifty little “Dimensions in Living Day” each year, which is fancy speak for “Career Day.” We’re all about fancy talk in these here parts, you know. That’s how it is in college towns and whatnot. The list of careers this year includes some local actors and professionals, the medical examiner for the county, our pro soccer team coach (whose kids go to our school), bakers, singers, rock musicians, architects and bloggers.

Yes, bloggers.

And guess who is going to be speaking? To three groups? And has to act all professional and stuff?

If you said “Chelsea Clinton” you’re wrong. Try again. She lives a LITTLE CLOSER to the school.

Nope, not my neighbor, either. But you’re getting warmer.

OK, FINE. I WILL TELL YOU, IT’S ME.

What? Why are you looking at me that way? I’m all about this, yo! I can talk about blogging! I mean, I’ve done if for eight years! I’ve even gotten PAID TO DO IT (I know, right?) so just HUSH YOUR MOUTH NOW.

Anywho, the whole point of this post? So that when I show the students my blog it will look grown up and stuff. Also I get to tell them that blogging is all about being yourself, saying something important and putting yourself out there while protecting yourself at the same time. Y’all need to have a little fun with it, try something new! ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT.

Seriously, though. They asked me (and another parent). Since I’m the current president of the “Too Stupid to Say No” Club, otherwise known as the Home and School Association (that’s fancy speak for PTO), I had to do it. Because I like free lunches and seeing my name in print.

No, that’s not true. I was kidding. It’s because I like public speaking.

HAHAHA!!! JUST KIDDING! AGAIN!

It’s because I’m a former teacher and I value education (this is actually the true part). I think blogging is fun, I’ve been moderately successful at it, and I have been paid to do it sometimes. And while I’ve taking a hiatus from paid writing for personal and family reasons for the time being, I hope to get back into the swing of things and do it on a more regular basis soon. Perhaps someday I’ll write a book (this part is actually part of the true part, too!) because I’ve got tons to say. Tons to say about nothing at all. Nothing in particular. And yet all tens of you keep coming back.

I started this blog because I needed a creative outlet. I sort of wanted a diary but since they’re all eighties-Molly-Ringwald-in-Pretty-in-Pink-WHAT ABOUT PROM-like, I decided on a web log (BLOG), instead. I wanted to chronicle what I went through to raise my children to the best of my ability, all while finding myself as a special needs parent and adjusting to being a stay-at-home parent Domestic Goddess. I also like to do silly things. Blogs are AWESOME for people who like to do silly things. In the privacy of their own home. And then put it on the internets for millions of people to see.

Like interpretive dances.

Or blogging about my colonoscopy.

And telling folks about disastrous family vacations.

Or showing them what my house looks like.

And spreading positive messages about Special Needs and Autism.

And keeping it real.

So there you have it. Blogging. In a nutshell. A whole eight years devoted to my dogs and my muddy backyard. Amazing what people will pay you to write nowadays.

Go forth and be prolific.

Bug Boy’s Morning Getting Ready Tips

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Bug Boy had orchestra this morning. Normally, getting this kid out of the shower in under thirty minutes is an Olympic feat (Yes. Thirty. He cleans while he is in there and then gets lost reading shampoo bottles. I KNOW). This morning he had to leave nearly 20 minutes earlier than he does every other day of the week. I KNEW it would be a push and he’d run out the door with a half-eaten protein bar and forget half of his stuff. Per usual. But, like a good Mommy, I reminded him he had orchestra, told him to take his fastest shower ever and left the room.

Fifteen minutes later I didn’t hear the water running but there’s commotion in the bathroom. I went up to the bathroom to find him dressed, hair combed, and putting on his socks. He was clean. His hair was clean. He was fully dressed. THIS IS A MIRACLE, PEOPLE. And I asked him how in the heck he got ready so fast, after I picked my jaw up off the floor and reattached it.

Me: I’m shocked. You’re ready! WAY TO GO, DUDE! This makes my day start off pretty awesome-like.

Bug Boy: Well, I got ready last night!

Me: Yes, you mean getting your clothes out ahead of time?

Bug Boy: Not exactly. See, I put my underwear inside my pants so that when it was time to get dressed I could just put them on at the same time! It saved me TONS OF TIME this morning.

Me: Uhhhhh. Okaaaaay.

Bug Boy: Oh, and I remembered when I was in the shower that I have to finish (arbitrary assignment) for class this morning because it is due today.

Me: Sigh.

There you have it folks. Motivation to get ready faster. And becoming much more responsible for himself, though I kinda wish he did the assignment, you know, last night? Not at 6:55 am when he has to leave in five minutes for orchestra? That.

How to Start an Internet Firestorm in Eleven Easy Steps

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So, you wanna start an Internet Firestorm?  Learn to Troll Comments? Start an uproar on FacePlace? Then this post is for you! You, too, can start a ruckus in a few easy-peasy steps!  Just follow along and hang onto your hats!

How to Start an Internet Firestorm in 11 Easy Steps (Because I always go to eleven).

By Marj Hatzell, Doctor of Google (D. of G. Get it?)

  1. Post an article referring to a scientific study refuting a medical myth or misinformation. People comment on article supporting study and information
  2. Agree with fans and friends commenting on post.
  3. More people comment with their own experiences.
  4. Person comes out of woodwork for “anti” side and begins litany of disjointed, misspelled, random sentences, spouts tirade of veiled insults. Asks for studies, links and information to support the “outlandish” claims by people who comment and person posting article
  5. Person posting article and several people who comment provide 20-30 peer reviewed, independent studies and links for their enlightenment.
  6. “Anti” person mentions the words, “Evil Big Pharma,” “Government conspiracy,” and celebrities who have degrees in Google  Another random person who isn’t a doctor but plays one on tv pipes up and asks if there are any studies not done by government or drug companies who are making a profit off of sick people. Hilarity ensues.
  7. Person posting article and even more people who commented post 20 more links of non-pharma and government studies, information about who funded those studies and links to journals done in other countries.
  8. “Anti” person freaks out, cites anecdotal evidence. “You just need to listen! We don’t need medical degrees! I googled it and you can believe everything you read on the Internets! You just need to live my life for one day to understand! My nextdoor neighbor’s uncle’s former co-worker told me this total random thing that they read on HuffPo!”
  9. Commentors and article poster: ???
  10. “Anti” person: “Your (sic) insulting! I’m unliking and unfriending you! You CLEARLY don’t have any education and you CLEARLY don’t care about ______ (insert cause here).”
  11. Commentors and article poster: Um, profit?

It Takes an Autism Village

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Food, glorious food!

When the going gets rough, the rough get casseroles.

I grew up in a smallish town. When someone died, had a baby, had an injury, etc, folks came calling with food. Lots of it, since we were a family of nine (or more, depending on foster babies and other folks my parents were trying to help). People from our neighborhood, church or athletic club dropped off huge casseroles in gigantic aluminum pans to reheat and eat.  Bringing food to folks in time of need is one of the more common comfort measures, for sure. There’s a reason they call it comfort food, y’all.

I now live in a tiny town nearby the smallish town in which I grew up. It’s like Mayberry and folks know one another. When my Dad passed away last December, people brought us food, gift cards and the like as a measure of help. It was much appreciated. This is why my husband and I chose to live in a town, a community, instead of far out in some McMansion or in a more rural area, no matter how much we wanted a bigger house with a shit-ton of acreage.  Close communities are better for kids, in my opinion. And better for families who need support, like those raising children with disabilities.

It’s nice having that kind of support. I do have some in-real-life friends whose children face similar challenges as mine. It’s nice. Strength in numbers, you know?  But for the most part, there aren’t many of us. And it’s hard to find one another.

I got lucky last week. Bug Boy started middle school and true to form, I signed on to co-chair the “Too Stupid to Say No” club, otherwise known as Home and School. I love being involved, honestly, and I love getting to know the staff better. Plus, I’m good at it (not to toot my own horn and stuff. OK I AM TOTALLY TOOTING MY OWN HORN)!  And last week, during a welcome coffee hosted for parents and staff members, I got to talking to another mom. Turns out we have tons in common.  She’s an over-achieving and sleep-deprived volunteer special mommy, too!  So that’s nice. Another special mommy friend is always nice to have.

I’m lucky to have the support of my family. Very lucky indeed. I have friends that have NO ONE. In fact, another friend told me just last evening she’s been away from her kids ONE NIGHT in 17 years. She has four kids, one with significant challenges. She hasn’t been away with her husband in a long time. They have little support from family

This stinks, y’all.

I’m a spoiled brat and I know it. My family helps me and my sister insists I get away for Sleep-and-Eat-Weekends. Twice a year, these days. They rock and it is much appreciated, since it truly recharges our batteries. But many of my friends? NOTHING.

The cool thing is, there’s this great new invention from Al Gore called THE INTERNETS. And on the Internets, folks from all walks of life can find groups of people like themselves. Even the misfits (like me!) can find someone.  True Story!  And parents of kids with special needs. It’s awesome sauce because having other parents to go to for support, encouragement, advice and information is CRITICAL to raising a child with special needs. Other parents who have “been there, done that” to confide in or count on? Priceless. Truly.

So naturally I belong to some parent groups. Mommies who love Attachment Parenting. People who love dogs. And Autism Parents. And the Autism Parents Groups? The most important. Why? Well, Special Needs families often don’t have similar families living in close proximity. So these groups, they become important. They become a place to vent, to ask questions, to share triumphs and sadness.

And recently, well, one of our families had some life-altering stuff happen. Stuff that sucks. And our group? Well, we felt helpless. We wanted to help. We wanted to be there for this family. But geographical locations (such as, other countries and planets and stuff) make it impossible. But, there’s this magical thing on the Internet where folks will band together, in minutes, to help families in need (even though the Internet can also be a scary, scary place). Families who lose loved ones, have house fires, medical crises, you name it. We’re basically strangers. We only know each other by the stories we share online. And yet, we’re there to help.

So this Autism/Special Needs parent group?  We figured out a way to get “casseroles” to this family. A sh*t ton of casseroles. Let’s say hypothetically we found out what one of their favorite restaurants was located. And let’s say, perhaps, that we all chipped in and bought some gift cards to this restaurant. As in, a large amount. Yep. We did that. And it was fun. And it felt good. And it helped a tiny, tiny bit.

The important part?  A community was there to offer support, encouragement and love. Communities are what help us special parents survive, y’all. Without this magical Al Gore invention we’d be isolated and alone, trying to find folks like us for support. I, for one, love The Internets (most of the time). So there you have it.

Virtual Casseroles.

Gosh, I really hope they like casseroles.

Random Funny Sh*t on the Internets

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You know, the Internet is always serious business. Sometimes I find random gems like this:

Of course, Five Guys is also what caused my first anaphylaxis but that’s not important right now. What IS important is you have the ridiculous autotuned song stuck in your head for the rest of the day.

You are very welcome.

PS – This guy does fast food critiques from his car on Yootoob and they are hilariously funny. And then the funny Gregory Brothers got ahold of this one and autotuned it and made a song and…well, then you get that quality piece of  Internet magic right there. Catchy, no? They also made an acoustic version.
Happy Monday!

Hair We Go Again

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Hi, my name is DG and it has been nine months since my last hair cut.

As in November.  That’s almost ten months.

Let’s just say it’s a bit longer than it has been in a long time. It has been eleven years since the last time it was this long (below my bra strap by about three inches). I like my hair long. I like my hair short. My hair grows pretty quickly so in eighteen months I’ve gone from below shoulder length to move-my-hair-out-of-the-way-so-it-doesn’t-get-caught length.

Here are some I’ve had in the past few years:

Beauty School Drop Out. Went back to high school (because clearly I have no talent in hair). Before I went grey and began coloring it.

At my sister’s wedding (three years ago in October)

O Hai! Also three years ago (this december)

Why hello there. Two years ago. This is the one the husband liked the best.

Staying alive, staying alive, oh, oh, oh, oh…fifteen months ago

Last October at Rocky Horror. This crappy picture brought to you today by Droid.

All dolled up for a date this past spring. Hair is straightened. And brushed. For once.

Probably the most current picture I have. This was just in May. That’s three months ago for those of you not good at math.

I lied. I just took this one so THIS is the most recent I have. Wet hair and all.

So what should I do? I cannot donate it to most places because my hair has been grey for ten years (so I’ve been coloring it that long. Well, longer. Prolly fifteen years, since I had a blonde phase). I love having it long because I don’t have to do a dang thing to it (but let it dry). I’m considering letting the bangs grow out and then getting long layers in my hair to give it more…I dunno, shape?

I know, such a first world problem.

But my hair is pretty much the ONLY thing I spend ANY time on at all. And I don’t spend any time on it, save three or four haircuts a year.

I also suck at making decisions. Thinking of doing this. Except red:

Yes, I’m kidding about getting this haircut. Sort of . Or not at all.

Of course, we all know it will take me several weeks to figure this one out so there’s no hurry to decide. Could be another two or three months. So don’t wait around for before and after shots or anything.

Well then, carry on. As you were.