Yes, that’s really me. Yes, I made that Star Trek outfit myself. Yes, I still have it. You should see it with the high-heeled boots.I look like Uhura. Except, you know, paler.
Dear Younger Version of Me,
Girl, stop complaining about how fat you are. You aren’t going to stay a size 0 (14 slim girls, really) at the age of 19 and you shouldn’t try. Here’s the thing: Women have curves. Curves are beautiful. Bigger Breasts are beautiful. Fat in your body is what gives you those curves. And makes your skin look good, and your hair, and your breasts…by the way, in twenty years? You will have AWESOME breasts. And gorgeous hair. And dammit, you’re gonna look pretty smoking hot for almost-40. So what if you won’t be a size 0? You’re going to have curves.
Puking your guts up for two years straight did nothing but give you a stomach ulcer at the ripe old age of nineteen and cause massive reflux issues. By the way, you will deal with those for the next twenty years. Good going! And, to add insult to injury, you’ve also just caused your own gallbladder disease. You’re really winning gold medals all over the place. Just concentrate on moving your body and eating well. Let yourself have ice cream or cookies once in a while, they don’t hurt. Just don’ t eat the whole damn bag like you did that one time you were pregnant.
About school: nine years and four times changing your major? WHISKEY, TANGO, FOXTROT. Hey, at least you are well-rounded. Certainly not “flighty” like Grandmom said.
Here’s the thing. That guy you are with right now? Doesn’t love you. You are both too young and stupid to realize you shouldn’t be together. You think you NEED him and you don’t. I know you care for him and you care about his family but that’s not a healthy relationship. You use each other. You are both codependent. Stop that.
This new guy you met? He’s the real goods. Don’t be so noncommittal. Don’t hurt his feelings. Just open your mind and go with the flow. He’s honest and dependable and treats you the way you should be treated. He lets you have your own thoughts and opinions (And BOY HOWDY, do you have them!). But shut your mouth once in a while. You have this annoying habit when your nervous of chatting everyone’s ears off. Which is funny, because even though people think you are a total extrovert, the truth is you will have crippling social anxiety and a fear of being in large groups. Keep that in mind. You’ll be a card-carrying member of the “Too Stupid to Say No” club, otherwise known as Home and School Association. Not only a member, but the president. Several times.
HOME AND SCHOOL?
Oh, I didn’t mention? You’ll have two kids. They will have challenges and special needs, plus a whole host of health problems. You will learn patience. You know, that one thing you always wished you had? You know how you spaz out and then regret it and get all “OMG I NEED TO LEARN TO BE PATIENT.”
You will learn it. But you will love them unconditionally and even though there are days that reduce you to sobs there are also many days that bring joy. You will find out what life is really about. Really and truly.
You will have your heart broken a few times.
You will learn the true meaning of family.
You will, believe it or not, be a role model (STOP LAUGHING). People will look to you for advice and support. Be there for them. But make sure you take the time to take care of yourself, you will need it.
You’ll have a really good life. A wonderful husband, happy children and supportive friends and family.
So don’t sweat the small stuff, mmkay?
And dammit, learn to balance a check book. Because in twenty years, despite the fact that you had a math minor and tutored students in math you will still suck at finances. It’s the only thing you and your husband really argue about. So get on that right away.
Love, Older, Sexier, Wiser, Happier Version of Me.