Marj Hatzell isn’t a writer but she plays one on TV. She’s a Domestic Engineer, Total Babe, and SAHM of two boys with Autism, ADHD and a variety of other acronyms. Marj was picked last for dodge ball in grade school, was a band geek (she played the flute, and one time, at band camp…), and prefers dogs more than people, which means she has STELLAR social skills. Marj can be bribed to do anything with potatoes and/or bacon. Usually both. Marj also goes to Eleven. Also? 42. You can find her at her non-paying day job, the wildly unsuccessful blog, The Domestic Goddess and at her not-so-new and definitely-not-successful blog, The Crazy Dog Lady.
Now I’ll stop referring to myself in the third person, since it’s all creepy and Silence-of-the-Lambs Like. Here’s an example of my disjointed and random mind. If you get a headache while reading this because I’m jumping around too much, just put your hand on the wall, it stops the spins:
I’ve got more energy than a chinchilla crossed with the Energizer Bunny. I love potatoes. I love cheese. I love potatoes with cheese. Come to think of it, I love cheese with potatoes. I prefer fruit to chocolate. My kid eats lotion. My dog eats vegetables. I eat the rind of watermelon. I eat raw cookie dough, eggs be darned! I am pretty much obsessed with food. And yet somehow I manage to stay trim.
The F-word makes my skin crawl. I puke on planes and get car sick. I want to be something when I grow up, I just don’t know what, yet. I cannot live without music and I play the flute and piano (and one time, at band camp). Except for Canon in D. I listen to Indie music stations.
I need eight hours of sleep, minimum, to act and feel like a human being.I have two children on the spectrum. If you don’t know what that means, I’ll give you a hint. It starts with A- and ends with -utism. My children have seizures. We don’t know why.
I’ve seen every version on Pride and Prejudice on film. No kidding. All of them. Even the Bollywood version. Even the Mormon version. I watch Kevin Smith Films. I like Quentin Tarrantino. I’ve seen Moonstruck so many times I can quote it and recite along with the entire film. The Princess Bride is one of my favorite films of all times.
Things Marj likes: dogs, snow, skiing, reading, potatoes (did she say that again? Her bad.), jeeps, cooking, sleeping, exercising, trees, plants, flowers, learning foreign languages, crossword puzzles, cryptograms, sudoku and logic puzzles (in pen), old movies, foreign films, teen dramadies, HGTV, sex (DUH!) and referring to herself in the third person.
Here’s stuff Marj doesn’t particularly love: porn (unless she’s in it), lima beans, raw onions, cats (except dead ones), summer weather, mean people (they suck), beer (it tastes like ear wax. What do you mean, you’ve NEVER accidentally put your pinky in your ear and then in your mouth? You haven’t? Uh…me neither.), discussing politics and religion in polite company.
Why the “Domestic Goddess?”: It’s simple, really. When I began staying home with my kids, I really resented papework that listed my occupation as “homemaker.” It made my skin crawl. I did not make my home. Some guy named Carmen did. So, if there was a blank, I started checking off “self-employed” and writing “Domestic Engineer” or “Domestic Goddess” in its place. I swear to you I do this. I’ve never, ever been questioned about it. Except when it comes to IRS paperwork. My husband won’t let me put that down because he thinks we’ll get audited.
I was browsing your site after visiting Maddy’s over at Whitterer and just wanted to say you crack me up. Your kid eats lotion, mine prefers sucking on batteries and licking cars.
Great site! Hope you don’ t mind me popping in and making myself at home.
How have I not been by here before? This cracked me up. This is exactly the kind of stuff I want to know about people when I come by their blog–thanks for making it so easy! I’m going to go read some other ‘stuff’.
Hi! I saw you note and wanted to personally reach out to you to invite you to Trusera. We’d LOVE to have you as a member. Can you send me your email and I’ll take care of the rest?
Bless thee and your readers
DG – You and I have the same love for cats. Check your email for my favorite cat picture.
so you want to stalk me huh? lol
nice site, btw
I have one child high on the spectrum. It’s an education, no?
I’m so glad I found you – brand new to your blog today, but I’ll be back lots!
Oh God, this is what I wish my blog could be. This is real life. BTW, I’m a Philly burg mom too.
love your site my SIL’s SIL told me about! i thought i read somewhere it’s “Domestik Goddess” w/ a “k?” why did i think/read that? brain-fried at 40? i have a daughter, almost 4, w/ ASD, another “typical” girl goin’ into K, and ADHD going into 2nd son, who my ASDer loves. thanks for the wit, rawness and realness. will keep reading! you might like this blogger too along your lines of wit and real: http://rocksinmydryer.com
Being a NY’er (yes, we know we’re hated everywhere
), I can attest to the go-go-go life (no kids yet thought).
I loved logic growing up too.Don’t worry every part of the watermelon is good to eat (…well, except the rind). And, cookie dough is perfectly normal to eat (…well, except those of the raw variety).
Look foward to reading the rest.
So true. Honesty and eevryhting recognized.
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I just read your about you page. LOL. I can so relate and I must say that being down right honest about life is scary and you make me look bad because I have to wear make up in public now. I am single 40-ish something, with a six year old on the spectrum, who wipes poop on himself and sticks his hands in the toilet. That’s for my blog.
Karen
irish2-onedayatatime.blogspot.com
You are just way funnier than me: also possibly way more Domestik and/or domestic. I kneel and smile and appreciate.
I Googled “Can my Chinchilla eat raw potatoes? And found this blog! I’ll forever be a fan of yours now! Love that mind of yours as well as your writing style!
Hey love the site. But I must tell you the IRS dosent audit it. So put it down proudly I do. Also best response to my employment was at the eye doctor I cracked up all the ladies in the front. Cause GOD,Country are my employers. I love being a domestic goddess for the united states Army!
LOL! I’ve never had one of those days either!
The Princess Bride is a classic and one of my favorites too.
We met at WRH’s Thursday Wednesday Spaghetti. I just discovered you are the DG when I clicked on the comment you left on WRH’s last entry. Anyway, it was so nice to meet you and I love your blog…very funny, very real.
Hi TDG,
Just had a first opportunity to check out your blog, briefly (from a link over at scienceblogs). I like it. Fresh, candid, funny, real, etc. etc. yada yada. Please shoot me an e-mail when you get a chance, so I can send you something (no, it’s not a prize, or anything like that, sorry).
Dad Of Cameron
autismstreet.org
Thanks for visiting! And now you have me intrigued! DG
Hi Domestic Goddess,
Would you kindly get in contact if interested in swapping web links?
Many thanks
Kim
Oh my you have nice feet.
Clicked on your name from Blogher, because, well, “DomesticGoddess” speaks to me. Plus, I made a “Julie, your cruise director” joke on my about page. (Sadly, some people are now calling me Julie. Sometimes my humor doesn’t translate in print.)
But found your blog and quite like.
Stop by mine if you get a chance. I hope you’ll laugh. Seems like you need one (or twelve.)
http://marthapoints.wordpress.com
Hi! I clicked over from your comment on Bossy’s 10-word-Tuesday post. I just had to tell you that I DO put “Domestic Goddess” on tax forms! Well, actually, I don’t anymore, but before we had an accountant who presented us with filled-in papers that only required signatures I did.
It’s misleading, though, because I’m really more of a Domestic Slacker, but that doesn’t sound quite as worker-bee, does it?
Haha “If you get a headache while reading this because I’m jumping around too much, just put your hand on the wall, it stops the spins:”
Funny – that worked! I am looking for a way to get in touch… it would be great if you can email me when you have a moment.
I’ve been going with ‘Soup Developer’ but I gotta admit that ‘Domestic Engineer’ has a better ring to it–hope you don’t mind if I use that on future bank forms.
~M
Love, love, love stopping in for a chuckle and seeing what you’re into NOW…..
thanx for the smiles.. at your expense, of course !
I think I love you. Really. In a non creepy, I am married, I will never meet you/stalk you but we have WAY too much in common kind of way. For that I am hooked on your page.
Thanks
Well, I thank you very much in a non-creepy, married also, never meet/stalk you kind of way.
Hey. You’re up! Nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award! Thanks for making me laugh!!!! http://chameleoninthespectrum.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/versatile-blogger-award-who-me/
O Hai! Thanks!
Hi there! I have two kiddos on the spectrum too…a boy, almost 9 and a girl who almost turned 4. my son also has seizures (few, thank goodness, but we don’t know why either) and my daughter is also diagnosed with PVL…similar to mild cerebral palsy. loved your post about the Time article, but what really hooked me in is your taste in movies…(i mean, you can tell a lot about a person from their taste in movies, right?) I can’t proclaim to recite Moonstruck from beginning to end, but I’ll say I am at about 50 percent. and Princess Bride…never get tired of it! have seen every Kevin Smith film (I think) and most of Quentin Tarantino…mostly his older films, tho. I work outside the home full time (which is often the only time I get to be by myself!) so my time to watch movies is nil. lucky if I can stay awake. Glad to find you!