May 9, 2013 by Marj Hatzell
Back in January I herniated yet another disc in my back. To be fair, it was the SAME disc that I’ve injured several times before. This time wasn’t half as bad as others (No wheelchair this time!) but it was still some massive pain. And the pain wasn’t the worse part, the loss of mobility of someone with my energy and lifestyle was truly frustrating.
And of course, maintaining any sort of exercise with that issue is impossible. I couldn’t do laundry or load the dishwasher. I couldn’t make bed without help. I couldn’t even walk my dogs. I put on some weight. I wasn’t happy. I stayed in bed a lot. We had some stuff happen in our house (stress+stress+STRESS) and my mom’s health was declining. I finally snapped out of it, got myself into PT and got back on my feet. I was doing well, actually. Better than I had in MONTHS. No, probably better than I had in two YEARS. And just as I finished PT, got back to walking my dogs and got the OK to go back to regular workouts, my mother passed away.
Needless to say, the past four weeks have been a flurry of hospice, arrangements, finances, funeral, family issues, house issues and the like. People have brought us oodles of food (which I am SO SO SO grateful for!) and sent baskets. We’ve been spoiled, really. It feels good to be spoiled. I feel loved.
The problem is I got off my program.
This week my back started hurting. I know what’s coming and I’m going to stop it, see. I know the pattern, I know the routine. But it ain’t gonna happen this time, yo. IMA STOP IT.
I’ve gained weight again. In fact, I’ve gained so much I am now the same weight I was AFTER I had Bugaboo. And I gained sixty pounds with his pregnancy. SIXTY. POUNDS. I weigh the same as I did NINE MONTHS PREGNANT with Bug Boy. I’m also wearing the same size.
Yep. Since my Dad passed I’ve gained forty pounds.
That was about eighteen months ago. MOMMA AIN’T HAPPY. Now, I’m not as worried about the weight as I am my overall health. I don’t have any energy. The fatigue is seriously an issue. I am winded trying to keep up with the Bugaboo. I can’t keep my eyes open at night. I’ve started falling back into that ole “carb load, eat comfort foods, don’t move at all” pattern. I’m all MEH. And DG ain’t a MEH person, MMKAY?
Now, I know what some of y’all are thinking. “But DG! You’ve had SO! MUCH! GOING! ON!” or “Don’t be so HARD on yourself, yo! You’ve had STUFF in your life!” and “You’ve got these kids! It’s so haaaaaard!”
But those are the excuses I keep using. Again and again and again and again. I’m better than that. I deserve better. My FAMILY deserves better.
No more excuses, yo. I KNOW what I have to do. I know how to do it.
Here I go.