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How to Start an Internet Firestorm in Eleven Easy Steps

19

January 22, 2013 by Marj Hatzell

So, you wanna start an Internet Firestorm?  Learn to Troll Comments? Start an uproar on FacePlace? Then this post is for you! You, too, can start a ruckus in a few easy-peasy steps!  Just follow along and hang onto your hats!

How to Start an Internet Firestorm in 11 Easy Steps (Because I always go to eleven).

By Marj Hatzell, Doctor of Google (D. of G. Get it?)

  1. Post an article referring to a scientific study refuting a medical myth or misinformation. People comment on article supporting study and information
  2. Agree with fans and friends commenting on post.
  3. More people comment with their own experiences.
  4. Person comes out of woodwork for “anti” side and begins litany of disjointed, misspelled, random sentences, spouts tirade of veiled insults. Asks for studies, links and information to support the “outlandish” claims by people who comment and person posting article
  5. Person posting article and several people who comment provide 20-30 peer reviewed, independent studies and links for their enlightenment.
  6. “Anti” person mentions the words, “Evil Big Pharma,” “Government conspiracy,” and celebrities who have degrees in Google  Another random person who isn’t a doctor but plays one on tv pipes up and asks if there are any studies not done by government or drug companies who are making a profit off of sick people. Hilarity ensues.
  7. Person posting article and even more people who commented post 20 more links of non-pharma and government studies, information about who funded those studies and links to journals done in other countries.
  8. “Anti” person freaks out, cites anecdotal evidence. “You just need to listen! We don’t need medical degrees! I googled it and you can believe everything you read on the Internets! You just need to live my life for one day to understand! My nextdoor neighbor’s uncle’s former co-worker told me this total random thing that they read on HuffPo!”
  9. Commentors and article poster: ???
  10. “Anti” person: “Your (sic) insulting! I’m unliking and unfriending you! You CLEARLY don’t have any education and you CLEARLY don’t care about ______ (insert cause here).”
  11. Commentors and article poster: Um, profit?
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19 thoughts on “How to Start an Internet Firestorm in Eleven Easy Steps

  1. Hey…wait a minute…you just unlocked the secret formula!

    Seriously – yeah – exactly like this. Every time. IT IS formulaic. IT IS trite. It is like every single romance novel in history: boy & girl meet. They fight. They get into a sticky situation. Bodice ripping and almost intercourse ensues. Forced marriage. Fighting. True Love FOREVER. As one romance novelist has been known to say, “Hey. It’s formulaic. It’s trite. Because IT WORKS.”

    Great post! :)

    (Kelly)

  2. Flannery says:

    And repeat on every post you can find! Fun for everyone.

  3. blogginglily says:

    1) Sporns
    2) Vaccinate
    3) Protandim
    4) shitstorm

  4. Susan says:

    Lather, rinse, repeat….Lather, rinse, repeat….

    Nice post!

    SusanB

  5. spectrumom says:

    And THIS is why I don’t blog very publicly. And don’t have many friends on facebook. And maybe why in real life too. Wahhhhh! No, not really. I just want to be surrounded by sycophants chanting with me in harmony. Even though I can’t carry a tune.

  6. Miz Kp says:

    So so true. The good thing is every shit storm subsides eventually.

  7. Alyssa says:

    I laughed. I admit it.

  8. Tracey B-C says:

    And THIS is why you are my friend ;)

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